Attack of the Knitting Grannies

Today to get our minds off the inevitable we went into Manhattan to the 2005 Knit Out in Union Square. Last year we stumbled upon this event right about the time I was taking up knitting again after many years of the hobby being fallow. It was late and we missed most of the free giveaways and goodies. We vowed to return and today we did.

After a nice early morning breakfast in the square we sauntered on over to the outdoor tables and booths. The crowd made up of mostly women and a disproportionate number of them in the older or elderly category were already milling about. Apparently if you want booty you have to get up early and hang with the granny crew.

Rolling up our sleeves we dove in. It became apparent that it would be necessary to divide and conquer or we would be leaving empty handed. The most wonderful Mr. Miao offered to stand in line at the table where it was rumored they would be giving away free skeins of yarn and needles while I browsed the other less booty ridden tables. While he sauntered off to be the number one husband I turned to the long line of tables rimming the square.

Most of the tables were full of flyers and more flyers. A few tables were giving away patterns, these were ringed by mildly rabid grannies darting their hands out, pushing younger women aside to snatch whatever they could.

One table in the center of the row was giving out bamboo wooden needles. These are the mecca of knitting needles. I got into the fray and figured how bad could it be... Well apparently it could be very bad, very bad indeed. There were grown women pushing each other grabbing out at the poor man behind the counter who was handing out the needles as fast as he could saying things like "Calm down ladies, everyone will get their turn." (HaHa) Little did he know that these women meant business. As I was poked and shoved closer to the table a row of young wide eyed girls were pressed up against the front of the booth looking frightened. As he handed out a set of needles to each little girl he admonished the other women for their greed. "Ok ladies, please really let's step back a little, these girls will go first, after all we want them to be knitting, they are the future.” Calmly I squeezed my way up to front and center and just as the man was about to hand me my coveted set of needles a woman from behind shoved me and grabbed the needles from his outstretched hand. "Woah!" He said and we locked eyes. I replied, "Watch out they might bite your hand off next time." He laughed and handed me a set of needles. I wished him good luck and made it safely out of the crowd of rabid women.

Thinking that my husband was probably not fairing any better than this I made a quick dash over to the growing mob scene that was developing around the "Free Yarn" booth.

The crowd was at least 50 women deep and 100 women wide ringing two sides of the table. Smack in the middle looking perhaps a little nervous was Mr. Miao. After pacing around the outside of the gaggle a few times I heard one of the women behind the table yell "Please everyone step back the people in front are being crushed, you will all get a box but you have to stand in a single line." Uh... yeah, these women had obviously never dealt with a crowd of bubbies from NYC who could smell the yarn a mile away.

Finally they gave up and just started handing out freebies. Then the real madness began. I stood on the outside and watched women push and elbow Mr. Miao while he patiently inched toward the front of the booth. He had this pressed little smile on his face obviously not too happy with the granny mob surrounding him.

Then the yelling started. To my left a group of grannies were pushing and yelling at an older gentleman who was minding his own business "You were not in line!" they yelled and one of them pushed him back behind them about a foot while other grannies looking pissed stepped around him and pushed him further back. Looking back over to hubby, hoping he was faring better against the gathering storm, I could see he had finally made it to the front of the table and was standing there dodging wildly grabbing granny hand. Finally he was presented with his reward and turned to make his way out of the crowd. I met him at the out rim with a big hug and a kiss. "You just earned some SERIOUS husband points!" I told him. He smiled and said, "Yeah wasn't sure I was going to make it out of that one alive." We laughed and walked away to a quiet cafe for some lemonade so we could scope out the booty.

Upon sitting down we opened the box to find two beautiful fancy skeins of yarn and a set of wooden needles. What struck me was that the box had no label on it. There was no flyer inside, nothing to identify the company that had just risked life and limb to give us this free stuff. We drank our lemonade and laughed at the horribleness of women, especially older frantic women, when something is free. It was like being at a hard core show in the mosh pit when a band member throws out a pick or drumstick into the crowd.

After about 1/2 and hour we went back to the booth so I could say thank you properly for the gift and to get a flyer for their product or store. I also wanted to suggest to them that next year they give out a ticket to every person with a time on it to return for their free gift. Scatter the grannies, divide and conquer if you will.

When we went back the table was mostly empty the women at the booth looked worn out and disheveled, crestfallen even at the state of their booth after the recent onslaught. I walked up to one of them and gave her my sincerest thank you for her generosity and bravery. We laughed, I told her about the ticket idea and asked for a flyer or business card so I could visit their store someday soon. She wearily looked around and could not find any left apparently the women had taken all of them. She asked me to wait a moment turned around grabbed a paper bag and handed it to me. She said looking around quickly, "Here, this was our display today and it has our info in it, please take it but don't tell anyone." Promising not to divulge her secret giveaway I shook her hand and vowed to visit the store very soon. As we walked away I opened the bag to find four beautiful skeins of yarn in a much more flattering color (enough to actually make something) and another set of needles. As well, there was a half eaten roll of starbust candies in there. LOL. She was so frazzled she gave me her own bag it seems.

I will visit her store soon and will always remember the day we survived the rabid grannies in Union Square.

After that we went to see the movie Serenity. It was a good old-fashioned sci-fi flick and very enjoyable, that is if you like sci-fi and the work of Josh Whedon (who we really like). On the way home we realized that for at least a short time we were not worried about babies or tests or survival rates or even about Monday.

Thanks grannies for reminding me how crazy you can be and for taking my mind off our troubles for just a little while!